a tender trap

why am I forever drawn to this place?
I have far outgrown it or left it behind
it or I have changed
and I feel an alien here
yet I am forever drawn here
it was my home
where I grew up
where I experienced young life
my best friend
my first crush
my first kiss
my first set of wings
my first heartache
the first of many heartaches
and it has changed
but it still feels as if there is an aspect of me here
an echo really
the still voice of a lonely child
the ramblings of an anxious adolescent
the sorrow of a lost soul
and it has changed
I am no longer comfortable here
I am alien and so very different
and I wonder
is my being drawn here to keep
that lonely child company?
that adolescent calm?
that lost soul from being more lost?
I wish I knew
because it has changed
and I am an alien here
- rrl